About Me

Hi! Welcome to Restart. I'm Brenda and I live in The South. I'm just a lady that loves her family and sharing my life.That life has made a major change after 29 years of being wife and Nana. Now I live for me. I have dreams that I had let die and today I must live them. God has blessed me with a second chance at life and I desire to live it to the fullest.I am into eating healthy,exercise,running,hiking and bike riding. If it means staying in shape and feeling good I am all for it ....other things I enjoy or cooking, decorating,thrifting,travel and walking where history took place.


Monday, March 31, 2014

Do Words mean anything anymore?

This is something that has been on my heart for a few days. I have put this off in hopes that it would pass and I wouldn't have to blog about it ,BUT it didn't. I ask the question "Do words mean anything anymore" when I speak of words I also include vows,spoken words and promises. It just appalls me this day in time at how many take relationships and marriage so lightly. I for one have been through this so I know the feeling,but have had many people share their story with me and it seems never ending.
This all really hit home last week when a guy from my past started to text me. This is someone that I had become very close to and shared some very special times.A guy that had a tongue of gold and could make you feel like a queen. In the end I realized he was a very mixed up man and one that had drug my heart right along with him. The text started with the I miss you and how wonderful things were and so on...really dude then why if it was so wonderful did I hurt? The text didn't stop as he began to express the desire to see me( let me make this clear my daddy didn't raise a fool and I don't go back for seconds) with the desire to see me he started to use words that would play on my emotions. Im happy to say I didn't feed into this. It was just a few days later that photos of him and his girlfriend started to appear on FB. REALLY man... I wonder how she would like to know off his text and games. If I had played into his game and words I could have been used once again. I am thankful to God for opening my eyes to things like this.
Lets take the words "I love you" I ask how can you speak these words and then in the next breath walk away? How can you speak these words and then be cheating with another person? How can you speak these words and be abusing? I for one don't think you can even know what the word means. No wonder it is so hard for a good person to find a mate...men and women alike have been so hurt and abused that there is no trust. After so many times of someone using you it is easy to feel broken and not lovable. This is when you have to look down deep and see who you are as a person and realize there are some sick people out there.People with no self worth. It is important to realize that it is who they are and no matter how great they speak of themselves they need help.
As this came to me I not only thought about my story and others,but of situations and ways to stop some of this and make people take a look at who they really are.
Lets look at this situation for a minute... a married person approaches you and starts to flirt how can you handle that? I say call them out on it. I have done this on many occasion and it pretty much shuts them up.I feel if more people with values would do this it would slow the process.
I have had many married men come onto me and it just makes me sick at my stomach. I love to put them in their place because I know the pain of the woman at home. If more women would do this and not fall into their trap of cheating I feel it would get better. Nothing feels better than a big burly man walking up and walking away feeling about a inch tall because you turned him down. OH don't get me wrong I know this is not only men. There are some horrible women out there that love nothing more than to split up homes.Their job is to cause unhappiness because they are not happy.They prey on trying to pump their ego when all in all they are using you for their sickness.People we have value and we need to see it!
After my divorce and in dating others I came across some real pieces of art or should I say nuts? Men that tell you they want something special and someone to love them when in return all they want is no commitment and to play games.They are on a roller coaster of destruction in their life. They go from woman (man) to the next looking for something to fill a void. That void will never be filled until they fix self.
Lets look at this from another avenue. This is another one that makes me sick to my stomach. This is the person that lures you with all the things you need to hear,money and gifts and only wants to use you for pleasure. Not only are they using you,but a whole list of others. Once again speaking words that are beautiful,but have no meaning.
I for one wonder what this world is coming to when every where you look you see this. People being used,hurt and manipulated by someone you trusted. People being torn down and thrown away leaving them feeling empty.A world where words are spoken for self gain. A world that uses their bodies like a game.
I truly sometimes wonder are there any good people left? People that believe in God and the way he designed marriage and relationships?People of value? People that stand behind what they speak?
Do words mean anything anymore?

Monday, March 24, 2014

The hurt puppy

I just love how the Lord speaks to me..I have had many ask how I know it is him. I find that question hard to answer,but the word assures us that his children hear his voice. You can't touch air,but you breath it and it gives you life. The Lord is the same way. Not only does he give life,but he speaks and guides us. Sometime with his word and sometimes using the gifts of his body. I always loved how Jesus spoke using parables. This morning when I was spending time with him this parable started to open up to me. Id like to share this and hope someone gets from it as much as I.

The hurt puppy...... If you can vision and sweet,playful puppy running free, but one day he is picked to be taken by a owner. It is at this moment that he starts to grow and one day become a dog. Being the beautiful sweet puppy that he is his surroundings with this owner will be what forms him. Oh he will always be the playful puppy,but changes occur. Each day he looks for his owner to feed and love him to pet him and give him some security,but this owner doesn't give that. This owner is cruel and harsh and day after day he gets lashings and caged up. All this puppy wants to do is give all the love he has,but doesn't get it back so he withdraws...he stops playing and feeling free. One day this dog is found by the authority and removed from this home where he isn't loved and cared for.As he sits in the cage and people pass him the desire to be loved and petted never went away,but he can remember how the other owner treated him. One day this person passes the cage,but turns around because it sees something special in this dog. No matter how many other dogs the person looks at for some reason it is drawn back to this cage.It is at this moment she decides this is the dog I must have. I see something in this pup that the others don't have.As she takes this dog home she is excited to share and love him,but the pup still has the mind set of being hurt.For some reason no matter the love and petting it receives from the new owner the first stage of growing up comes out. It is only with time and the new owner assuring this pup that im not mean,im not out to hurt you,but see something in you that made me have to bring you home that one day allows the pup to rest and start to remember the feeling of love and now abuse.

We just like this puppy are formed by the things that occur in our life. Sometimes the damage from others cause us to feel unloved or even unable to love.Love is something special that was designed and placed in us. If God designed it he can heal the scares. He can heal the pain.,but like the second owner of the puppy when dealing with others that have been in this situation we may have to go the extra mile,pet and love a little harder to show that person that what happened in your life doesn't have to repeat.
We are lovable and someone out there is willing to go the extra mile for you.....

Wednesday, March 19, 2014


I will never forget the day may sister sent me this simple word...PUSH( Pray until something happens) at that point in my life I didn't even desire to get up and face the day. Some how with the support of others that loved me,prayers and promises from God I found the strength to dig in.
Today when I see the word it not only reminds me of the many days and nights it was all I could do was cry out to God. It also reminds me of how I have had to PUSH myself to get to where I am today.
There are many people that I meet today that see me as healthy and happy,but have to clue of the journey.I am not one that likes to live in the past,but if it means helping others I am happy to share.
I know that we all have a story and things that happen in our life that knocks us down.Things that cause us to feel pain and devastation.This is when we have to dig deep and not give up,but PUSH.
Lets take a journey back about five years ago.This was a very hard year for me not only did I lose the most amazing lady in the world (my mom) but my health and family.I bet when you see the me today it is hard to vision me in a wheel chair. Yes I said wheel chair...it was in that year that I had a ankle crushed, a toe cut off,a head on collision and eleven weeks of bleeding that lead to surgery.Talking about the devil roaming around seeking whom he could devour it was me. It was at this point I felt my life was over,but it got worse.It wasn't about five months later that my marriage ended. I had no desire to even live must-less PUSH...however God had something else in mind. As I look back today I see a miracle and a transformation that only with God I could share this today.
I am so thankful for the love of God and others that believed in me and loved me. I am also thankful for my testimony because that which the devil meant to destroy me only made me strong. In becoming stronger it has been my goal to use my life to help others and that is why I share this.The Bible says in Revelation 12:11  "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. It doesn't matter where you are today and what the enemy has done to destroy you...YOU can overcome.
P.U.S.H Pray Until Something Happens

Monday, March 17, 2014

God wants to use you

I just love days like today when God shows up and uses his people. From a complete stranger to a phone call from a friend he had a message for me and made sure I heard it.
I know there are many people that think God could never use them...their not good enough...they sin...they are not real smart...they had a bad childhood...they have a drink now and then...they are home bound. I am here to tell you that is when he can use you. All it takes for God to use you is being a willing vessel and allowing him to .
If you take a look back in the Bible you will see the people he picked.. It is your common everyday person that just says use me I am yours.
Something else that really blesses me about how God works is how simple he is. You don't have to be standing in a big fancy church or dressed to the nines. He knows your heart and meets you where you are.
Now before I start to get stoned let me say I do think it is important to meet together with other believers...to study and eat of Gods word so as to stay strong and filled with him, BUT if that never happened he loves and desires to use you just as much as the person who attended years of Bible college.
I think many times that we as Christians get so busy trying to be and live perfect and running the church that we get to busy to hear that voice telling us what he needs us to do.We also rise above the exact people that God would have us reach out to.
Have you ever been going down the road and saw someone on the side of the road and stopped to help? Have you ever gave food to the hungry? Have you ever done yard work for a widow?  Have you ever loved the unlovable? Have you stayed up all night holding someone as they were coming off drugs? God was using you because you were willing .
I stand back and look now at my life and when things got so hard it wasn't the church that reached out to me,but the man at Salvation Army that was down on his luck, the lady at the market that shared her food,the stranger that mowed my yard,the common family that helped pay my bills.Sometimes we don't see that it is the small things that really touch others. GOD WANTS TO USE YOU

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Life after divorce...

This month makes four years since the break up of my marriage. If you would have told me life would get better I would have told you that you are crazy.I am very happy to admit today that it is true. With each day and step I have taken I have learned a lesson and things have changed.
To learn a lesson there has to be test and I assure you I have had my share. Many of these test I didn't pass and had to retake.However this has got me where I am today and I am happy to say I think a much better person.I also feel these test have prepared me for the next steps in my life.
There is very few days that pass by when someone doesn't ask me "Will I ever remarry" my answer is yes for sure when that special man comes around. I know many say there is no way they would ever remarry.  I just don't feel that way.I believe that when God made Adam he said it is not good that man should be alone and he made Eve.I have known from a small child what I desired in my life. That desire was to grow old with someone I couldn't be without...someone that I could laugh and cry with...someone that when they walked away I felt part of me was missing. Another question ask is do you think you can love someone like you did your first? I don't feel any love is the same and im sure it will be different,but yes I do think I can have that love again. One of the lines I use so many times comes from a country song by Hunter Hayes....
          But I don't want good
And I don't want good enough
I want can't sleep can't breath without your love
Front porch and one more kiss
It Doesn't make sense to anybody else
Who cares if your all I think about
I've searched the world and I know now
It ain't bad if you ain't lost your mind
Yeah I don't want easy
I want crazy
Are you with me baby
Lets be crazy
How many times have you just been walking around and spotted an elderly couple holding hands that just glowed? I know for me I am a people watcher and I have noticed many.Often times when I see them I start to think about all the years they shared and question why didn't I get that. One day it hit me that not all of these couples could be High school sweeties. Some have married after loosing their spouse to death and Im sure some divorce. God is no respecter of persons and if he designed it we can have it.
I don't know where you stand in your life today,but I want to assure you there is hope. Take each day and each lesson that comes and learn from it. Take the good and bury the bad....because there is "Life after divorce"