What is CHRISTmas to you?

I have to tell you this has been one of the hardest Christmas I have had in years. I always try to keep it real because life does hurt. I know what Christmas is all about and so thankful for the love of Jesus and my family however pain is real. I know with out the love and peace of Jesus I wouldn't be able to keep going sometimes.
Usually when pain comes this bad I know there is a lesson God is usually showing me. Something he needs to strengthen me in so I can help others.
I have watched many on Facebook,Instragram and out shopping in the past few days. I know that I am not the only one that has pain during this time and many have it way worse.
This evening I took a walk and reflected on somethings and times in my life. I thought about all the things I have seen and endured this Christmas.After getting home I knew I needed to read some scripture which brought me to the writing of this blog.
What is Christmas to you? Do you have traditions,.... maybe one of those that have to have the house decorated just right,One that can't have Christmas without certain foods,one that spends way more than you should then wonders how you will pay for it. I know we all have things about Christmas we have done for years. There is one word in Christmas that matters and that is CHRIST. What did you do for Christ this year? Better than that what do you do for Christ everyday? Just because we celebrate Jesus birthday on a special day doesn't mean we should do good only then.
The scripture I was taken to as I read Mathew 25:31 Some of you may know this as the Parable "The Sheep and Goats" These scriptures talk about when Jesus comes and will separate the people like a Shepard doe his sheep.As I continued to read it talked about the difference in the sheep and goat. That is when the picture was painted before me about what CHRISTmas means.What we should do daily.In these scriptures he clearly shares what we have to be like to be his.I dare say many of us didn't take time to think of others. Many of us past right by people just like this in our rush to get things just perfect for the holidays.Many of us never stopped to think about the pain and suffering the person sitting next to us maybe feeling. My great desire is to be a sheep and take the time to make each day CHRISTmas.
Mathew 25:34-40 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

My Father is a KING...

How many of you out there feel like you are getting the rewards of being a child of a KING? I dare say very few. One reason for this is because we spend more time keeping our eyes on the trouble,the pain that this life causes instead of the promises God has given us.,,,,
This week I have finally grasp a hold of the fact "Im Gods Girl" my daddy loves me and desires the best for me. My daddy is not happy when I hurt and trouble comes my way .If we see in the word(our road map) there are so many promises he has already provided for his children. The problem is US...we either have never learned who we are in Christ are we don't claim it.
As a parent you can make deposits in the bank and set up preparation for your children but unless they know about it they can't cash in on it. They may struggle when the thing they need is setting there waiting for them the whole time. That is just how it is with our Father. All of the things he has already deposited into our bank and prepared for us set and wait on us to cash in on.There maybe many reasons why we haven't done this,but until we do we can't apply this to our life.
I know this because I speak to myself here. Each and every day I have a struggle with this. The hardships and hurts just seem to be accepted. I have walked many days listening and excepting what the world and others say and cause in my life instead of claiming what my Father says.
The past few months and years I have endured some heartache as I am sure we all have. Today I am happy to say in these things I have learned some great lessons and try my best to apply them to my life. This is something I must do each day because the enemy would sure rather me focus on him.He will do anything he can to keep us from realizing who we really are. When you stand in front of the mirror what do you really see? I would just about bet that you see defeat,pain,what you wished you were instead of who you really are.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us that power of life and death are in the tongue...we speak to our life one or the other. Lets just take a minute to see what Im talking about here because this is something we do everyday. How many of us has spoke in a sad and lonely state of mind "No ones cares about me and what im feeling" well that is not true. 1 Peter says"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Psalms tells us "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Do you see where I am going with this? 
How about" Im just not gonna make it this month" Psalms tells us "The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need." Mathew tells us" Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"
Are you catching on yet? I sure hope so because when you look in the mirror of his word and realize who you really are,that your "Father is a King" and has deposited any and everything we need in his bank your life can change!! I for one know I desire to see myself as "Gods Girl" and to know whoever and whatever happens to me they have to answer to my daddy.To know that he loves me and deposited into my account anything I need to live.
Today I ask you..Who is your your Father?

Lets keep it real....

I title this blog "Lets keep it real" comes because that is all I know. Yes keeping it real can be hard and gets me in trouble sometimes however real is better than fake. It is better than pretending.
As I sat here last night with the weather getting cold and the holidays approaching I can't help but have some feeling of sadness. I know I try hard to keep a smile on my face for everyone to see yet I have moments where I have to be real with myself and God. I lie here last night watching Christmas movies,snuggled up in my warm bed and pinning recipes on Pinterest. "OH I love that site" however it causes my heart the hurt sometimes.
If you know me very well you know I love the holidays and decorating. I love cooking and making a home and I love family. The movie I was watching had a young woman that had been dating a man for five years. She yearned so bad to have a life with him however he was to busy and wouldn't commit.I can understand just what she was feeling because it seems this day in time committing and doing what it takes to have love isn't important.She found herself starting to question her own worth. Not because she wasn't an amazing woman,but because the man she desired made her feel that way.Sometimes no matter how hard you work to be perfect for someone else and do your best you still find yourself alone.The amazing thing is she didn't stop being her self. She continued to reach out and share love with others.At a moment she least expected a friend and coworker came into her life. A stranger that she really never paid attention to because she was focused on the life she desired. It was this man that seen her heart and the beauty of who she was.When she finally let go of what she held onto her life changed.
After the movie was over and it was time to go to sleep "with my fur babies" I started to think. I thought of how I didn't really have my desire to decorate this year. I thought of all the sweet couples and families strolling together. I thought of the couples shopping and sharing dinners with one another on a cold night with a fire flickering in the back ground."Yes I'm a romantic..what can I say" And then I thought about myself. Another holiday alone and how much I miss having someone to share my love with.
As I lay in bed ready to pray I start my prayer. The prayer of thanks and praying for others. It was at that moment a thought comes to me "Keep it real" see so many times we go to God with our regular prayer as if he can't see our heart.We try to hold it all together when he knows our sadness. Sometimes we feel guilty and we stay strong when all alone he sees. It was then that I decided to "Keep it real" with God. I talked to him like a friend. I shared with him my desires,my hurts and how the holidays really make me feel. God doesn't want us to hide from him. He wants to be our best friend and someone we can open up to someone we share our heart with because he already knows it.
So today whatever you are feeling and whatever you are dealing with take it to God.Open up and speak to him as if he is setting right beside you.And most important don't go through the motions "Keep it real"

Making my list and checking it twice...

           Making my list and checking it twice..and it isn't Christmas

If it is your first time to my blog welcome. Let me go back and catch you up and then we will move on. The name "Brenda's Restart" came after I had to pick up the pieces of my life and move on after a 29 year marriage. Yeah it is crazy to restart a life at my age however you have to deal with the hand your dealt and make the best of it. At first I didn't see how that was possible,but with the love of family, friends, and GOD I found the strength to move forward. In the last four and a half years I found who Brenda is. I have reached down deep and searched my soul and heart. I have healed, had my heart broken by many jerks, and got up and healed again. Each time there were lessons to be learned and strength gained.
In the last month I have spent lots of time with God. Oh I never left Him and He never left me,but I did allow somethings to come before Him. Life just can't run right if He isn't in the lead position. No matter how much we give and try to make others happy they must come under God. When we find ourselves making something else priority it becomes an idol. All we can think about is doing whatever it takes to be happy, but in return is God happy? God has a purpose and plan for our lives and for this to ever be in order we must die to self . I don't think this means giving up who we are and the desires of our heart, because as long as those line up with God He is the one that gives us desires.
After my husband left and I was going through the healing process one of the Christian counselors I was seeing gave me some advice. The advice was keeping a journal with my hearts feelings and to date it. From time to time I would go back and look at it and see how far I had come. This takes me to the title of this blog " Making my list and checking it twice" years ago when I was writing in my journal I made of list of things I desired and didn't desire for my life. Oh I know and realize not everything can be perfect and we have to give some, however we must not allow our giving in to change us.
Last week I got to spend some amazing time with God by the beach. It was at this time I was reminded of my list. So with Bible and journal in hand I started to make my list again. To search my heart and find me again. This time with great hope that I go back from time to time and look at it and never let go of the hope and desires I have. I don't mind sharing this list so here we go....

Things I desire.
 1) My deepest desire is for God to be first in my life and serve him in the calling he has for me.
 2) A God led man. One that will be the head and allow God to be his head.
 3) A man that will pray with me,for me and bless me
 4) A man that believes the steps and order of God in a relationship. God,Spouse,Family
 5) I desire a true lives love story. A love so strong that others watch and have a desire for a Godly love that doesn't change with the ups and downs.
 6) I desire a place that I can make a home. ( where ever God desires that to be) A home that when others come in they feel the love and peace.
 7) To share this home with a man that will allow me to be the woman God has called me to be. Someone that can appreciate my love through doing the things I love.
 8) To have and support my partner in his calling.
 9) I would love to travel and makes beautiful memories.
10) I desire someone that will communicate and share like a best friend 9) A fitness partner so we can be healthy and share the second part of our life.
11) A coffee buddy...sweat times snuggling early in the morning together,times by the fire,sitting on the porch and coffee shops.
12) Someone that will except and love my children and grands as I will his.
13) Someone that will not leave me and always desire to do separate things ( If I want to have a life alone id stay single)
14) A love so strong that when the other walks away you feel part of you is missing.
15) Romance, never losing the honeymoon feeling.
16) We can share nice dinners or just enjoy a simple picnic. ( it is all about the time together)
17) Someone that can spend a simple day being cozy, a day of rest watching TV (football =)
18) I desire the love making in my life to be as God ordained, to allow the depth of two becoming one, not just going through the motions.

Things I do not want.
1) Selfish ( all about me and not we)
2) Prideful and arrogant
3) Makes me feel stupid and unimportant
4) Someone that doesn't seek God for direction
5) Lazy couch potato with no desire for life.
6) Someone that puts others before me
7) Someone who confides in other women.
8) Someone who cheats and thinks that porn and looking and desiring other women is normal.
9) Someone who lies and says things they don't mean. (actions speak louder than words)
10) A heavy drinker
11) Someone that allows technology to steal precious family time.
12) Someone that compares me to or expects me to be like an ex or someone they formed an image of.
13) Someone that doesn't care about my feelings and the pain I'm feeling.
14) Someone that doesn't care when I try to express my heart and feelings.
15) Someone that withdraws, sulks, and does not share their feeling and talk things out when something is bothering him. Pushing things down and not talking only makes things worse.

"For I know the plans I have for you, 'Declare The Lord,' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11

Realizing when darkness comes...

Do you remember when we were small children and we would be outside playing so hard....the moment you looked up and said "Oh my it is getting dark" and we take off running for home as fast as we can. It wasn't that you really meant to do anything you just got caught up in the moment.
That is just how life can be. We wonder out in the world running here and there and something happens that causes us to stop,look around and realize it is getting dark. The question now is where do you run? Do we run back home where we know we are safe and loved or do we wonder out further into the darkness? Just like when we were children it sometimes isn't something we mean to do. We get caught up in our fast paced life.Something that looks fun and exciting and we venture out.
We can't do both. When this happens we have a choice and that choice is going back to light,wondering out further or just standing there in the same spot and going no where.
This is just how it works with God. God is the light and he is our safety. He will allow you to go out and play,venture into things however at some point we must stop and look around. Stop and ask ourselves do we desire to run back to him,go further out away from the light or just stand there going no where.

                      1 John 1:5New International Version (NIV)

Light and Darkness, Sin and Forgiveness

5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

Building something that last...

Building something that last takes time and effort. Have you ever been building or putting something together in a hurry only to finish and realize it was shaky and didn't hold up?
This same thing happens in life. I have been listening to some sermons by Kerry Shock that have opened my eyes to a deeper understanding.
After my 29 year marriage then divorce four years ago I felt devastated.I looked back and wondered how can something that made it so long fall apart? It happens the same way that building something on a shaky foundation falls apart. I spent many hours in prayer and tears pouring out my heart with God. As I look back now I see many things that were wrong. First of all it doesn't matter how many beautiful children you have,if you have a mansion to live in or the best job out there if the foundation isn't built strong it will fall apart. The first year after my marriage I started my family and for all the years to come I poured my heart and soul into them .I wanted to be the best mommy and raise healthy and happy children .He was climbing the ladder to success and pouring himself into the job.I was building three strong and beautiful children an he was building a career all while the foundation was crumbling apart.We were going through the days busy and sidetracked on what is most important. What do you really have when all of these things fall apart because you didn't take the time for one another? The time to discuss,share and fix things as they come along. When it all falls apart you have hurt and devastation that then that reaches out to the children an grandchildren.Generations of pain. I know today I still see the pain it has caused to my children. The one thing I worked so hard to build and turned my attention to still have to suffer.
In the past years after divorce I spent much time building me.I read and listen to all that I can on what God desires me to be as a woman.What my roll is on being a strong foundation for the next chapter in my life. It doesn't matter if your mate is strong and has things right and you are weak and crumbling one can not hold up for the other.It takes two strong bricks with the right mortar to start a wall and this must be placed on a strong foundation not built by man.
I never desire to go through or feel the pain of divorce again. I never desire to bring two families together with children that have already been devastated only to hurt them more.My one and only desire is to be happy and have a Godly love built on a strong foundation so I can share that with the world. A world that has lost the art and desire to stand strong. I know the sweet little old couples we see that made it all the years together are not still standing because they gave up. They are still together because each storm that came they fought together and it made them stronger.
My prayer today is that we take back the foundations in our lives and do what it takes to make them strong.That we stop allowing the world to conform us and allow God to build us.That we can build strong people then strong couples so this world can have insight on the way things should be.

Knowing our hearts desire...

Today has been a very different day in my life. I woke up this morning reading so many post about marriage,relationships and divorce. It has really burdened my heart to see how we have lost what and how God designed us. I don't understand if all the failure comes from not putting God first or if we have gotten so numb to the roll we are given.
I am a product of a failed marriage and divorce. That maybe the reason the burden is so strong because I hate to see the enemy win. My divorce as many do came from a spouse that made a choice and I had to deal with it. Marriage takes two strong people working together and having the same desire. After my divorce as God helped me to over come and gain knowledge I realized the desire I had a young girl never changed. Being raised in a home where the love between my parents was so strong I learned what God meant when he gave us a map. The only way a marriage can and will work is if we take that map and follow it. Giving up should not be a choice we take lightly. Maybe because we live in a fast paced life where we want it and get it know people take that to a relationship.
I am so thankful each day for the parents I had and the devotion they had. I watched my mom live on dialysis for ten years. Did my dad ever give up on her when it got rough? No he took a vow and he took care of my mom until she passed away. A perfect picture of what God means when he says becoming one.
I ask God many times after my divorce why? All I ever desired was a beautiful,happy family. God showed me that even though he has designed the marriage union he allows man to make choices. It was also at this moment that I was reminded of what the enemy means for bad God will use to his good. In the four years following my divorce I have learned alot. I know it is Gods will that I use my testimony and knowledge to help others. I in know way consider myself perfect,but I am very willing and I know where my burden is.
Has my desire changed from the young innocent girl in the photo ..not one bit. I still and always will believe in God and his plan for woman and man. I will always strive to be as virtuous as I can be and to do my part.
I believe if we search out what God tells us is our role and give it our best marriage and relations can only grow.I am including a few scriptures and words that I think I need to share. I would also recommend if you your marriage is going through difficult times books by Stormy Omartian "Power of a praying wife and Power of a praying husband.
Women...Be a helper to your husband.  While all of us are called to be helpers to others, the Bible places a special emphasis on this responsibility for wives. Genesis tells us that God realized it wasn't good for man to be alone, and that He decided to make a "helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18). It is interesting to note that the Hebrew meaning of the word helper in this passage is found hereafter in the Bible to refer only to God as He helps us. The fact that this same word is applied to a wife signifies that we women have been given tremendous power for good in our husbands' lives. God has designed wives to help their husbands become all that God intends for them to be.
 Respect your husband. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul says, " … the wife must respect her husband." When you respect your husband you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, and esteem him. It means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you, and considering his needs and values.
Men.... Be a leader. The Scriptures provide a clear organizational structure for a marriage. Following are a couple of typical Scriptures:

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ

(1 Corinthians 11:3). Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body

 Love your wife unconditionally. Ephesians 5:25 reads, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Your unconditional acceptance of your wife is not based upon her performance, but on her worth as God's gift to you. If you want to love your wife unconditionally, always be sure her emotional tank is full. One of the best ways to do that is to affirm her constantly. Let her know verbally that you value her, respect her, and love her. I have discovered that I simply cannot do that enough.There is no question that words communicate love, but so do actions. You need to do both. As the Apostle John wrote in one of his letters: "let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18). One of the missing ingredients in male leadership in homes is sacrificial action. When was the last time you gave up something for your wife—something you genuinely valued, like your golf game, a fishing trip, or your hobby? Sometimes you need to give up something you enjoy so your wife can have a break and see your love for her.

Serve your wife. According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7).

One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them. Do you know what your wife's top three needs are right now? If she is a young mother, she has a certain set of basic needs. If your children are grown and gone and you are in the empty nest, your wife has a different set of needs that you should try to meet. What is she worried about? What troubles her? What type of pressure does she feel? Learn the answers to questions like that, and then do what you can to reduce her worries, her troubles, her pressures.

Life is like a garden....

    First off let me apologize to my readers for taking off so long. I took a much needed break and vacation.

Life is like a garden....

I was sitting here this morning having my coffee and I started to think about this. I say think about it,but that is one way God shares with me. During the day I couldn't get it off my mind and that usually means it is time to write.

What are some very important things about a garden? A few that come to my mind are the soil, the water, what type seeds we plant, fertilizer, grass, sunlight,pest. 

You can take two exact plots of soil close together and have two different people plant the same exact seed and the garden will not be the same.

Think about your life for a minute. What type soil are you planting in? Is it rich, does it have the nutrients it needs, do you cultivate it like you should? Or is it dry, hard and lacking any nutrients to help it grow? It all comes down to this if we are not sewing in rich soil you can take the most expensive seeds and they will end up doing nothing.

Now consider the water for a moment...what if we have beautiful rows of soil and the garden has started to produce and is doing great,but we get no rain. What starts to happen? What was once beautiful and producing dries up.  We get a water hose,but it will only reach a few rows of the garden...now what? The rows that are receiving water will be pretty while the others wither and die.

What about the seeds...If you have had the same old seeds in a bag for years and then you had the same seed that you just ran down to the store and bought fresh. Which seed do you think will produce the best product? I would say the new fresh seed the one that new.

What about fertilizer? Anyone that has ever had a garden or planted flowers understands how important it is to have good fertilizer. Each plant needs to be fed. Consider the idea of two rows of corn. One you decide to add fertilizer and the other you don't. The one that has been fed will grow faster,prettier and produce much better than the one that is lacking.

Sunlight...this is a very important part of how a garden will grow. There are some plants that grow better when they get lots of heat and sunlight. It reminds me of the peas we have planted. They love the hot sunlight. I went out in the garden the other morning and our peas where starting to get tiny pods. I missed going for a few days due to the hot, humid days and the next time I looked we had peas.

The last thing I think about is the pest. There is nothing that upsets me more than to have a beautiful green plant and find the bugs have eaten it up or to open a ear of corn and find a nasty worm inside living off my corn.

Each one of us when we are born are like a beautiful garden. We are made and designed with much work and a plan to produce wonderful things.

As we start to mature in life there are many things that come to destroy us.

Somethings that happen in our life we can not change,but many we can. No matter the hurt,pain and storms that come our way we must decide to thrive.

Just like the garden we have to be sure our soil is rich and full of life. Add the fertilizer so we can grow to become what we have been called to become. Make sure the seeds we plant into our life are fresh. Make sure that if we desire something we plant the right seed to produce that. You can't plant a corn seed if you desire to grow a melon.In life if we plant bad seed we will get bad fruit.

We must be very careful that the things in life that come to over take and choke back the life are plucked out. It only takes a moment to be thriving when something can come into your life . It can grow up around you so fast that you can't see it is choking the life from you until it is to late. Pluck out the things that steal your life.

Then we must be sure the to add light. There is no life in darkness. There is so much darkness in the world around us.We have to decide what and who we allow in our life. Do they or the things we partake in bring light?

And last but sure not least are the pest. We have an enemy he he desire nothing more than to destroy us. To eat us alive leaving holes in our life that cause us to wither and die.

How is your garden growing? Is it hard,dry and empty or lush,green and thriving? Is it producing what you desire or is it on the verge of death?

Today you can decide and change somethings in this garden we call life.

God goes hiking...

                                                           God Goes Hiking

                                                          1 Corinthians 12:4-

4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines......

. A few weeks back I  Googled some local trails. I found a 7.6 mile hike over on Caney Lake in Minden. I contacted my sister and she was game so we started to plan. I Love the way my sister always backs me and believes in me.Having someone like this in my life just makes it more exciting and makes me more determined.
Saturday morning arrived and I was so ready to get on this hike. When Debi dropped me off at the start of the trail all I was thinking about is staying safe from snakes. I had heard nothing,but horror stories since I got to camp. I wasn't thinking all spiritual,but had prayed for safety.Little did I know God had set this hike up and it wasn't just for me.
The first few miles of the hike I was finding my pace and freaking every time the weeds rustled. I had been on the trail maybe four miles when I heard voices ahead. As I approached the bridge and stream I realized my company was two ladies allowing their beautiful Lab to play in the stream. It was about time for a rest and I never meet a stranger so we started to talk. The conversation was mainly about hiking and where we lived.
After about thirty minutes the youngest lady recommended we hang together. I thought that would be a great idea and I had some new friends that hiked. We had only hiked a few minutes when the Lord started to show me things about their lives."I am one that tries very hard to obey him when I get a word" It is at this time I turned to the older lady and said  "So you work in the medical field?" They younger lady that I had found to be her daughter stopped in her tracks and ask "What how did you know that"Not really knowing why God had showed me this all I knew was to say I just did. She kept saying that's crazy. and I can't see how you knew this. A few minutes went by and she said "so what do I do"? The Lord was showing me a Airplane so I said ..do you work in travel? She was so happy to turn around and say NOPE im a receptionist. It was at that moment I knew why I was seeing the plane and I replied ,but you always wanted to be a Stewardess.( I love when God shows up and does his work) The young girl turns and stops and says wait I don't understand how you do this. I just applied for an American Airline job two days ago.
As the Lord started to show me why I had met them and what he wanted me to share I started to explain to them. First I said let me assure you I am not in anyway a phychic.I am a Christian and God gives his children gifts. These gifts are to be used for his purpose.He would send a complete stranger and setup an appointment to show you both that he knows you,he knows where you work,he knows your dreams and desires. The Lord had also showed me that this young lady had always put her dreams on hold for everyone else and put herself last. I shared more with them as we hiked down the trail.
As we were getting closer to the end of the trail her mom was very hot and getting weak. I had called ahead to have Debi ready to pick us up. By the time we got to the end of the hike I had met new friends and God had showed up to do his work.We shared some water and a ride to their car and said our goodbyes.
I am very thankful for a safe hike and that God loves me and trust me enough to do his work.

Take a walk in my shoes

My find of the day...."Report Signature" shoes

These are all leather and new. They sale from $150-$200. I picked these beauties up for $3.99

can't wait to find the "Little Black Dress" to go with them

"Take a walk in my shoes" is a post I have felt led to write for sometime. After a few conversations this last week I decided it was time. Today my sister and I spent time together and of course we had to add some shopping in there also. Okay Im a fashionista and I will be there first to admit it.
I know many of you have followed me on the journey of my life the last four years. I have had so many people ask me how I did it. First I have to give credit to God. I do believe that being frugal is a gift.This isn't something that just started four years ago,but something I did as a wife and mommy also. I always desired for my children to have what the other children had however I couldn't stand to pay the price. I think it was during this time in my life that I found out what the word clearance meant. It may mean buying out of season,but they never lacked anything. As they started to grow and things got more expensive I fell in love with resale and consignment shops. I'll never forget the fun we had when we would buy "Teen" and "GQ" and then head out to find things to look like the magazine,but on a budget. There were times even back then people would ask how I did it?
Now if we can fast forward some to the year 2010. It was about this time in my life when I found myself making it alone. The money that I used to have was no more,but I was still the same lady. All of my life I loved shoes,clothes,jewelry,makeup and anything that had bling.I have to give the credit to my mom here.She taught me well.At this time  I wasn't sure how I would keep my life style up,but I have always been determined. Being single and getting skinny only made the desire for fashion grow, I remember many nights I would spend pinning the up and coming fashions to my style board. I would get ideas of outfits I desired to have and hit the road. I would get up early and put on some comfy workout clothes and hit the resale shops. The feeling of coming home with a $100 pair of jeans that I paid $6 is like a rush to me.Needing something for a special occasion and walking out like I just came from Dillard's makes me happy.  I can't remember paying full price for anything. It was also during this time in my life that I feel I really learned that being able to be frugal is a gift. The Bible even speaks of a virtues woman spending wisely. I could be a millionaire and I would still shop the same way.
During this walk in my life I have had many people judge me,many people that couldn't understand my way of life. Im not mad at all about this because im sure all the flashy pictures would lead others to think this. When my sister and I were shopping today and I walked up with a buggy FULL of shoes she wasn't surprised. Yep we are night and day,but we love and understand one another. Id rather have a pair of shoes and miss a meal ..... as we were standing there and I started to tell her this pair of shoes would be over $100 and they are $4.99. It was then that she said sis not everyone has that talent and maybe you can use it to help others. That is something I have thought about often..I love to see people that can't have what others do feel special.
Im not sure just how this will and can take place,but I would love nothing more than to help others..."Take a walk in my shoes"

Love this pair of "not rated"

shoes that I found today.Never worn and sale for around $60. I paid $5.99

My second favorite find today was this

Jessica Simpson "Bendie" As you see even on sale they are right at $90

This shoe was new and unworn...I paid $4.99

The devil is defeated...

The devil is defeated and God always amazes me....... With each new day I'm so surprised how God works. It is truly in ways we never expect.
Let me start out with my day and how it played out. I woke up this morning with one of the worst headaches I have ever had. I have to be really sick not to go to the gym in the morning. This was one of those morning. As I was laying in bed drinking coffee trying my best to ease the pain one of my "Gym rats" called. "Will it be okay if we skip gym this morning and go late this evening"? Oh yes praise God we can do that. It wasn't just a few minutes later when dear old dad calls..."Hey where you at? I need to go to town" if you know me I can't tell my dad no and if you know him he wouldn't take no for an answer. This wasn't a short trip either he had things all lined out.
After I got dressed and made a few stops on my way I was doing all I could and the headache wouldn't leave. I promise it didn't get any better when I arrived at dads. Wow this man was in rare form today. Bossy and fussing all the way. I finally said dad my head hurts and we need peace. Yea right not today. I continued with our trip and at times it was so bad I didn't know if id be able to get him back and put away his supplies.
Finally after things were unloaded and put away I said dad I have to get home and lay down. I headed for home and had a hard time focusing because the pain. I had to stop one more time at my sons house to deliver somethings. ( I just love talking with his wife) but today I could hardly sit there. As I am pulling out I called and cancelled gym there was no way. Like I said if I miss the gym you better check my pulse because im about dead. I had just about made it home when I realized I had to stop by the grocery store and it was a have to.
Now this is when God shows up... I pulled in the store with my mind made up to grab the bananas and leave. I enter the store and I had not gotten far when I spotted this lady. It was something about her that I was drawn to.For any of you that know me understand God did gift me with the love for people. I never meet a stranger and believe God uses us one on one.
I walk over where she is standing( at the meat counter ) and we start to talk about how bad the taste of meat is now days compared to years ago. How chicken taste like rubber and the chemicals we are eating. Before long the conversation hast started into how she can't make dumplings and I am teaching here right in Brookshires. She says thanks and walks away with a smile. At this point my head is real bad ,but I must have milk. I turn the corner and there she is again. As bad as I wanted to get out of there talking to her was more important. Once again we started talking about cooking and that I had "Southern Sister" and had cooked for the public for years. She wanted one of my cards and started to talk about her church. It was then I knew this was a divine appointment. I shared my testimony and she shared her healing. Im telling you we were having prayer meeting right there on the milk isle. It turns out she goes to church with people I was raised with and we knew lots of the same people. As she is getting ready to say her goodbyes another lady walks up and said "I couldn't help,but over hear you" This is a  very different lady the kind many would turn from. As I looked at the lady I saw hurt,pain,broken and lonely. As she started to talk and open up to me it almost felt like she was draining energy,but mine was being renewed. I stopped and realized my headache was gone. I was sharing God with her and he was renewing me. I think we must have chatted about 30 minutes and it was time to move on. She told me how delightful I was and that she sure enjoyed me. I gave her my card and told her call me anytime. When we went to walk away I felt the need to hug her.It was then that she looked up with a smile and said it is amazing what a hug will do.
The devil is defeated because if he had it his way I would still have a headache and be in bed. I wouldn't have stopped at the store and met these two special ladies. God sure wouldn't have got to use me to minister if the devil had won. Im thankful for his healing,his power and his love.
The devil is defeated........

Do Words mean anything anymore?

This is something that has been on my heart for a few days. I have put this off in hopes that it would pass and I wouldn't have to blog about it ,BUT it didn't. I ask the question "Do words mean anything anymore" when I speak of words I also include vows,spoken words and promises. It just appalls me this day in time at how many take relationships and marriage so lightly. I for one have been through this so I know the feeling,but have had many people share their story with me and it seems never ending.
This all really hit home last week when a guy from my past started to text me. This is someone that I had become very close to and shared some very special times.A guy that had a tongue of gold and could make you feel like a queen. In the end I realized he was a very mixed up man and one that had drug my heart right along with him. The text started with the I miss you and how wonderful things were and so on...really dude then why if it was so wonderful did I hurt? The text didn't stop as he began to express the desire to see me( let me make this clear my daddy didn't raise a fool and I don't go back for seconds) with the desire to see me he started to use words that would play on my emotions. Im happy to say I didn't feed into this. It was just a few days later that photos of him and his girlfriend started to appear on FB. REALLY man... I wonder how she would like to know off his text and games. If I had played into his game and words I could have been used once again. I am thankful to God for opening my eyes to things like this.
Lets take the words "I love you" I ask how can you speak these words and then in the next breath walk away? How can you speak these words and then be cheating with another person? How can you speak these words and be abusing? I for one don't think you can even know what the word means. No wonder it is so hard for a good person to find a mate...men and women alike have been so hurt and abused that there is no trust. After so many times of someone using you it is easy to feel broken and not lovable. This is when you have to look down deep and see who you are as a person and realize there are some sick people out there.People with no self worth. It is important to realize that it is who they are and no matter how great they speak of themselves they need help.
As this came to me I not only thought about my story and others,but of situations and ways to stop some of this and make people take a look at who they really are.
Lets look at this situation for a minute... a married person approaches you and starts to flirt how can you handle that? I say call them out on it. I have done this on many occasion and it pretty much shuts them up.I feel if more people with values would do this it would slow the process.
I have had many married men come onto me and it just makes me sick at my stomach. I love to put them in their place because I know the pain of the woman at home. If more women would do this and not fall into their trap of cheating I feel it would get better. Nothing feels better than a big burly man walking up and walking away feeling about a inch tall because you turned him down. OH don't get me wrong I know this is not only men. There are some horrible women out there that love nothing more than to split up homes.Their job is to cause unhappiness because they are not happy.They prey on trying to pump their ego when all in all they are using you for their sickness.People we have value and we need to see it!
After my divorce and in dating others I came across some real pieces of art or should I say nuts? Men that tell you they want something special and someone to love them when in return all they want is no commitment and to play games.They are on a roller coaster of destruction in their life. They go from woman (man) to the next looking for something to fill a void. That void will never be filled until they fix self.
Lets look at this from another avenue. This is another one that makes me sick to my stomach. This is the person that lures you with all the things you need to hear,money and gifts and only wants to use you for pleasure. Not only are they using you,but a whole list of others. Once again speaking words that are beautiful,but have no meaning.
I for one wonder what this world is coming to when every where you look you see this. People being used,hurt and manipulated by someone you trusted. People being torn down and thrown away leaving them feeling empty.A world where words are spoken for self gain. A world that uses their bodies like a game.
I truly sometimes wonder are there any good people left? People that believe in God and the way he designed marriage and relationships?People of value? People that stand behind what they speak?
Do words mean anything anymore?

The hurt puppy

I just love how the Lord speaks to me..I have had many ask how I know it is him. I find that question hard to answer,but the word assures us that his children hear his voice. You can't touch air,but you breath it and it gives you life. The Lord is the same way. Not only does he give life,but he speaks and guides us. Sometime with his word and sometimes using the gifts of his body. I always loved how Jesus spoke using parables. This morning when I was spending time with him this parable started to open up to me. Id like to share this and hope someone gets from it as much as I.

The hurt puppy...... If you can vision and sweet,playful puppy running free, but one day he is picked to be taken by a owner. It is at this moment that he starts to grow and one day become a dog. Being the beautiful sweet puppy that he is his surroundings with this owner will be what forms him. Oh he will always be the playful puppy,but changes occur. Each day he looks for his owner to feed and love him to pet him and give him some security,but this owner doesn't give that. This owner is cruel and harsh and day after day he gets lashings and caged up. All this puppy wants to do is give all the love he has,but doesn't get it back so he withdraws...he stops playing and feeling free. One day this dog is found by the authority and removed from this home where he isn't loved and cared for.As he sits in the cage and people pass him the desire to be loved and petted never went away,but he can remember how the other owner treated him. One day this person passes the cage,but turns around because it sees something special in this dog. No matter how many other dogs the person looks at for some reason it is drawn back to this cage.It is at this moment she decides this is the dog I must have. I see something in this pup that the others don't have.As she takes this dog home she is excited to share and love him,but the pup still has the mind set of being hurt.For some reason no matter the love and petting it receives from the new owner the first stage of growing up comes out. It is only with time and the new owner assuring this pup that im not mean,im not out to hurt you,but see something in you that made me have to bring you home that one day allows the pup to rest and start to remember the feeling of love and now abuse.

We just like this puppy are formed by the things that occur in our life. Sometimes the damage from others cause us to feel unloved or even unable to love.Love is something special that was designed and placed in us. If God designed it he can heal the scares. He can heal the pain.,but like the second owner of the puppy when dealing with others that have been in this situation we may have to go the extra mile,pet and love a little harder to show that person that what happened in your life doesn't have to repeat.
We are lovable and someone out there is willing to go the extra mile for you.....

P.U.S.H

I will never forget the day may sister sent me this simple word...PUSH( Pray until something happens) at that point in my life I didn't even desire to get up and face the day. Some how with the support of others that loved me,prayers and promises from God I found the strength to dig in.
Today when I see the word it not only reminds me of the many days and nights it was all I could do was cry out to God. It also reminds me of how I have had to PUSH myself to get to where I am today.
There are many people that I meet today that see me as healthy and happy,but have to clue of the journey.I am not one that likes to live in the past,but if it means helping others I am happy to share.
I know that we all have a story and things that happen in our life that knocks us down.Things that cause us to feel pain and devastation.This is when we have to dig deep and not give up,but PUSH.
Lets take a journey back about five years ago.This was a very hard year for me not only did I lose the most amazing lady in the world (my mom) but my health and family.I bet when you see the me today it is hard to vision me in a wheel chair. Yes I said wheel chair...it was in that year that I had a ankle crushed, a toe cut off,a head on collision and eleven weeks of bleeding that lead to surgery.Talking about the devil roaming around seeking whom he could devour it was me. It was at this point I felt my life was over,but it got worse.It wasn't about five months later that my marriage ended. I had no desire to even live must-less PUSH...however God had something else in mind. As I look back today I see a miracle and a transformation that only with God I could share this today.
I am so thankful for the love of God and others that believed in me and loved me. I am also thankful for my testimony because that which the devil meant to destroy me only made me strong. In becoming stronger it has been my goal to use my life to help others and that is why I share this.The Bible says in Revelation 12:11  "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. It doesn't matter where you are today and what the enemy has done to destroy you...YOU can overcome.

P.U.S.H Pray Until Something Happens

God wants to use you

I just love days like today when God shows up and uses his people. From a complete stranger to a phone call from a friend he had a message for me and made sure I heard it.
I know there are many people that think God could never use them...their not good enough...they sin...they are not real smart...they had a bad childhood...they have a drink now and then...they are home bound. I am here to tell you that is when he can use you. All it takes for God to use you is being a willing vessel and allowing him to .
If you take a look back in the Bible you will see the people he picked.. It is your common everyday person that just says use me I am yours.
Something else that really blesses me about how God works is how simple he is. You don't have to be standing in a big fancy church or dressed to the nines. He knows your heart and meets you where you are.
Now before I start to get stoned let me say I do think it is important to meet together with other believers...to study and eat of Gods word so as to stay strong and filled with him, BUT if that never happened he loves and desires to use you just as much as the person who attended years of Bible college.
I think many times that we as Christians get so busy trying to be and live perfect and running the church that we get to busy to hear that voice telling us what he needs us to do.We also rise above the exact people that God would have us reach out to.
Have you ever been going down the road and saw someone on the side of the road and stopped to help? Have you ever gave food to the hungry? Have you ever done yard work for a widow?  Have you ever loved the unlovable? Have you stayed up all night holding someone as they were coming off drugs? God was using you because you were willing .
I stand back and look now at my life and when things got so hard it wasn't the church that reached out to me,but the man at Salvation Army that was down on his luck, the lady at the market that shared her food,the stranger that mowed my yard,the common family that helped pay my bills.Sometimes we don't see that it is the small things that really touch others. GOD WANTS TO USE YOU

Life after divorce...

This month makes four years since the break up of my marriage. If you would have told me life would get better I would have told you that you are crazy.I am very happy to admit today that it is true. With each day and step I have taken I have learned a lesson and things have changed.
To learn a lesson there has to be test and I assure you I have had my share. Many of these test I didn't pass and had to retake.However this has got me where I am today and I am happy to say I think a much better person.I also feel these test have prepared me for the next steps in my life.
There is very few days that pass by when someone doesn't ask me "Will I ever remarry" my answer is yes for sure when that special man comes around. I know many say there is no way they would ever remarry.  I just don't feel that way.I believe that when God made Adam he said it is not good that man should be alone and he made Eve.I have known from a small child what I desired in my life. That desire was to grow old with someone I couldn't be without...someone that I could laugh and cry with...someone that when they walked away I felt part of me was missing. Another question ask is do you think you can love someone like you did your first? I don't feel any love is the same and im sure it will be different,but yes I do think I can have that love again. One of the lines I use so many times comes from a country song by Hunter Hayes....

          But I don't want good

And I don't want good enough

I want can't sleep can't breath without your love

Front porch and one more kiss

It Doesn't make sense to anybody else

Who cares if your all I think about

I've searched the world and I know now

It ain't bad if you ain't lost your mind

Yeah I don't want easy

I want crazy

Are you with me baby

Lets be crazy

How many times have you just been walking around and spotted an elderly couple holding hands that just glowed? I know for me I am a people watcher and I have noticed many.Often times when I see them I start to think about all the years they shared and question why didn't I get that. One day it hit me that not all of these couples could be High school sweeties. Some have married after loosing their spouse to death and Im sure some divorce. God is no respecter of persons and if he designed it we can have it.
I don't know where you stand in your life today,but I want to assure you there is hope. Take each day and each lesson that comes and learn from it. Take the good and bury the bad....because there is "Life after divorce"