Give and it will come back...

As I sit here tonight I think of the blessings and how God has showed up the last few days. It may seem small to some however to me it is a miracle and blessing.
Being single and not having a saw and lawn equipment can be hard sometimes. Yesterday I came in from Shreveport and a huge limb that had fallen out of a tree had been cut and moved. Today I return from an appointment to my yard mowed. Do I know who did this? Not a clue,but I know one thing they will blessed with the measure they gave.
 Luke 6:38 tells us this...Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Have you ever gotten tired of doing good and being kind? Im not going to lie to you sometimes it gets hard. It seems time and time again when you try and do what is right you get used and hurt. The one thing I can say is I give it my all to swallow,breath deep and remember what God tells me to do. Oh I have had many thoughts as I struggled... if i'm doing for others and giving for others why does it seem when I need help no one is there? That is just the thinking the enemy would like to keep us in. If he can keep us in the why me state of mind he knows we are not claiming the promises given to us by God.

One thing God can not do is lie however what he promises us we have to claim and stand on.

The last few weeks with the help of some amazing spiritual sisters we have started to stand with one another for what God has for us and what we allow the devil to steal. I have given so no questions ask it will come back..not only come back, pressed down shaken together and RUNNING over. Now that is what I call getting back. This doesn't just mean money this means your time and talents. Anything to do for others is yours to come back as a blessing.

In the last few days I have received that blessing back by someone showing up when im gone and working in my yard. Today I just would like to thank God for his promise and remind you that even when you don't see it..keep doing what is right and claim it back in your life!

The princess and her prince

Once upon a time there was this princess.She lived in the Southern Islands. Night after night this princess stayed in her castle. She knew there was a big beautiful world out there she desired to explore however something was missing. As she would lay in her bed night after night she would pray to God for her prince. She knew deep in her heart he was out there. One evening when she was looking in a book full of men who thought they were a prince she came upon a photo. With every page she turned she couldn't forget the image burned in her mind. The image of strength all dressed in the most vibrant blue.All though the vibrant color stayed in her mind that wasn't what she couldn't forget. Each time she closed her eyes she remembered his beautiful smile and eyes that glowed like none she had ever seen. From time to time she would go back to the book and look and admire him.
One night as she sat there she decided she would try and contact him. Though many miles away she had hope that this prince would get her letter. Much to her surprise one day she received a letter in return. Her heart beat with joy as she read it over and over. Could it be true? This handsome prince that she had admired so long was going to ride into town to meet her. As the day approached her excitement grew. Early one morning she awoke and put on her beautiful dress and got ready to go into town to finally meet him. As she mounted her tan mare she had no idea that this day would change her life. Glowing with excitement she mounted her tan horse and started her journey toward town. Each mile she rode her head was full of thoughts of what the prince would think of her. As her horse pulled into town she looked for him. He was not there and deep within her stomach she felt butterflies however she knew he wouldn't let her down. She looked to her left and to her right wondering where could her prince be.Just like she had dreamed all of the sudden he appeared. He was riding the most beautiful grey mare. Even though his mare was shining and beautiful it couldn't compare to the beauty of the strong man that climbed down off of it. As this strong man came toward her she knew this was the man that she had seen in her book. His eyes glowed even brighter than she could ever have imagined. The closer he got his smile was bright like the stars.
Within minutes as she touched him she felt a tingle of life that she had never felt. Minutes turned to hours and they shared special moments together. When late evening started to set and she knew they must part she didn't wanna see him ride away. There was something she seen deep in his heart that drew her like no other.
As the princess arrived back to her castle that night all she could do is smile as her mind replayed the day she had spent with this beautiful man. There he was the man she had prayed night after night for.
Though they had distance and time between them they made up their minds they both shared a deep desire to be together.
With great effort they spent as much time as they could together. They shared so many special times and love grew stronger one for another.A love that she knew nothing could change.
One night when she was sitting at her castle a great storm started to blow. It was a storm that would change her life. A storm that would keep the man she had grown to love like no other away. Day after day even though the sun would shine there was still always darkness. A darkness that only the brightness of his smile and glow from his eyes could bring back.
The princess would get up day after day and go through her life however the thought of this prince never went away. Late at night she would long for his strong arms..the arms that made her feel so secure. She longed to feel his heart beat..the heart that she could see like few could. She longed for those beautiful eyes that glowed like gold. Not one night did she ever give up and stop praying. She knew that her God didn't bring this prince to allow such a storm to keep them apart.
One day when the princess was out doing her chores she got a letter. As she opened the letter her heart started to beat so hard she could hardly stand it. The princess found her a place to sit and read the letter again. Her prince was coming into town and wanted to drop by the castle. How could she prepare for this she thought. She dreamed so many nights of the touch she missed. Would she really look into his eyes again? Would she really feel the strength of his arms again?
The moral of the story...Many storms in life will come.Many storms that will try to steal and take you away from the dreams and desire you have in your heart.Never give up..keep the faith and when you find that something special fight hard for it.

With tears I crossed the finish line...

With tears I crossed the finish line...many of you may ask why would I have tears as I finished my first Half Century in Santa Fe New Mexico. You would have to understand the name of this blog to understand the tears. "Brenda's Restart" a blog that I started when I was given a second chance at life and decided to pick life and not allow my past to destroy me.
I'll back track a few years for those that are new to my blog. See it was only a few years back that all in one year I had my right ankle crushed,my left toe smashed off that it was only holding on by the skin,a head on collision so with all this I was in a wheel chair because I couldn't use either foot. If that were not enough a few months later I had emergency surgery after bleeding 11 weeks straight and thinking it was cancer. Oh and I can't leave out the death of a marriage I was in for 29 years.
Now that I have you caught up lets get back to life today because that is where I live now! I give God the glory for my life and testimony he has been building in me.

On Sunday the 17th of May I completed my first Half Century cycle event in Santa Fe. yes that is 50 miles. In those 50 miles as I rode across some beautiful country side it gave me much time to reflect my life. A life that I decided to give my all to..A life that Satan desired to destroy!

With each hill and each mile I felt so blessed. I thought how easy it would have been to give up the fight. How many people let the struggles in life beat and keep them down. I thought about the days that were so hard I didn't know how I would make it however I kept my eyes on God the one that carried me and gave me strength for each new day. With each baby step that I took he met me where I was. I would have never thought that one day id look back and see how far he brought me. I thought about how God picked me to live this story so I could share with others and give them hope.

As I rode further I could see how all the lonely hard times God was making me stronger..giving me a fight deep within.

I felt him there with me..and had a new understanding of the call he has on my life. 

The tears that came as I crossed the finish line were tears of Joy..tears of praise...tears of hope and most of  all tears that I decided to live with God leading me and not give up.

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Keeping your temple healthy...

Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food

This post comes because of a few different things. 1) So many sick people I have been dealing with this week 2) People asking me about my way of eating and weight loss.

Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself,

First let me say I am no doctor or nutritionist however I know experience is the best teacher at times. I am proud of the things I have learned as I walked my journey in life. I have always had a great interest in the natural way of life. I have always believed God made the things we would need to keep our temple healthy. I mean just think about it...he made us to do his work and im sure he desires us to be healthy and not walk around sick and worn.

My choice is to cook and eat healthy with the foods God made for us...

 Lets start with what I listed as number one reason for this post. The week started out with me doing lots of running around for what I call my little babies (elderly i've adopted that need me) After days of getting calls and seeing all the sickness it really hit me how important nutrition is to our health. In a visit to one of my babies she had company when I walked in. As I sat there and observed I saw a lady that was sad and hurting. As she started to open up to me not only did she suffer from a sickness (Diverticulitis) that could be helped by nutrition,but also Alzheimers. It broke my heart to see this once beautiful lady sitting there with her hair uncombed,lonely and hurting.She felt all alone and broken with no direction.
I have another baby that I go by and take groceries and do things she can't do for herself. She suffers from a illness that keeps her on breathing treatments and oxygen. The weather has had her very sick and taking so much medication. Due to her  age and income she can't go out and get the things she really needs to eat,herbs and vitamins. This is just a few of the stories I have ran into this week that opened my eyes to how important it is to "Keep our temple healthy" we only get one. It also opened my eyes to the things God created for our good. Oh how I wish I could go out and buy the things that could help these sweet elderly that have gave their life for us and now sit in need.

This has become the normal picture in America...

The number two reason for this post is my talking to others this week that ask about my choices and changes I have made in my life. I have many come to me for help and questions about weight loss. It is my hearts desire to share with anyone that you can do this. I love to be a support for others fighting to "Keep their temple healthy" because I know it will make them much happier. I know because when I made this choice it changed my life.
I had to make a trip to Wal-mart yesterday and had to stand in line. As I stood there I have never seen so many over weight and unhealthy people.People that are in wheel chairs because they are to over weight to walk. PLEASE don't think im down on people or judging people because that is not who I am. I am speaking the truth that I have lived.Whether it start from a illness,loneliness,being on a fixed income and think eating healthy cost I just desire to share and support others. To do my best to help others feel good about themselves.To reach out and love those who feel they are alone.
I made a choice to do my best to "Keep my temple healthy" I am not perfect or do I have all the answers. But I do know the desire is there. I will continue to research and learn. I will seek God for his help and strength and reach out to others to "Keep our temples healthy" If I can be of help to anyone out there reading this please contact me. I will never look down on you,but do my best to lift you up!!!

                                         One choice at a time will bring change...

                                          Food can be fun,good and healthy at the same time...

I sleep with God...

This morning as I sit here I have to give praise where praise is due! I am so thankful to God for two full nights of sleep with NOTHING. This may seem small to many however if you have ever laid awake and cried because sleep wouldn't come you can understand.
My problem with this really started after my husband left. So many nights I fought the fear of feeling alone. It seemed that my brain would never be still and the devil sure knew where to hit me. I started out going to the doctor right after my separation and getting on medication. I hated the feeling of waking up feeling drugged. I never stopped praying yet I was still trusting man. Each new trial brought sleepless nights even though I pushed on. It was when my insurance stopped and I was left with no way to go to the doctor or money to pay that the fear really kicked in. Sometimes we don't realize just how bad things are and hate to admit it. I must say I praise God that he kept me and I have never been addicted to pills..that is drugs I mean. It would have been so easy if not for the strength God blessed me with!
All though I praise God for this the other day I had to face I had allowed something to control me. After my insurance was dropped I started taking Tynol P.M. I knew it wasn't good for me,but just the thought of having nothing scared me. I guess at first it helped however the body gets used to it. What do we do when this happens? We take more or add something to it. Even though the Tylenol stopped working I still continued to take it. I guess it gave me a sense of peace..crazy how we trust junk for that. After lots of nights of no sleep and fear I started to add Dramamine and sometimes cough syrup.It all depended on how bad I needed sleep.All during this time I never realized that even though we get this over the counter and so cheap it is still something you depend on! I like to call it a crutch.I have never been one that liked anything to control me.
It wasn't until last Sunday at church I was talking to my one of my pastors and she ask me was I okay. As we started to talk I said yes Im really doing great. I am allowing God to build and polish me. Trusting him to get me where he desires I be. I then started to tell her that the one thing I hated was my lack of sleep and the Tylenol I took because it was bad for me.We then got into a conversation of just how much do we trust God? We pray and ask for something yet we depend on our crutch. Can we really have faith in him when we can't let go of something that controls us?
Sunday night I made up my mind that no matter what I was going to "Sleep with God" I was going to pray and give it all to him. I wasn't going to give him alittle of it while holding on to something I depended on. Oh yes the devil did try and bring fear...fear that id lay there and no sleep would come. Praise GOD the devil is a liar and the truth is not in him. That night as I started to feel sleepy I shut down everything. That means the TV,internet,FB,instagram and even my phone! I have realized that so much gets my mind going and this is what I needed to do. I fell asleep praying only to wake up and realize I got a full nights sleep! Night two rolls around and I do the same thing..I got this right? WRONG. Just as I started to doze my dog jumped up and went to the door going crazy in a way I have never seen her.I heard my door moving and fear started to fill my body. I could feel the tightening in my chest. Even though my mind said FEAR my spirit said pray. I got up went to the door to check it all while praying for my safety. Crawled back in bed and something said "Oh you better take some Tynol you will never sleep" Yea right devil not this time!!! "I sleep with God" the best partner one could ask for. Today I praise him for two nights sleep depending on nothing,but his peace.

Making a life style change...

Okay we are kicking off a New year and this is a time that most people decide to diet. I thought this was a good time to share some of my "Life style change"
My "Life style change" started after the separation from my husband.It was the moment I looked in the mirror and wondered where did BRENDA go? Yes I had a year full of health issues and some of that packed on weight however I can't blame it all on that. It was at that time I was also on many medications that cause weight gain. Not to mention I was raised Southern and loved to cook.
That day standing there in the mirror was the life changer for me though. I started to reflect on all the activities I loved as a younger girl. I remembered how active I was before I filled my life with kids and staying busy with a family. It was then that I realized that the same person was in my heart. It was only me now and it was important that I felt good both inside and out. I knew that with the injuries I had that it maybe a slow process,but that wasn't going to stop me!! I know many of you reading this have health problems and think there is no way I could go to a gym,ride a bike or run. If you only knew that when I started I found it hard to walk to my mail box.If you remember I had a ankle injury on one leg and a toe injury on the other. You can't worry about the race just take baby steps.Remember that some is always better than none.
It was after my doctor told me that exercise would help the pain that I decided to join the gym and it did change me. I started to feel so much better and the energy came. Before I knew it I was adding more and more activity.
The other part of this "Life style change" was my eating and cooking. Diet is such a dirty word however when you think of it as a change for the better it is easier. I started to search for recipes for the foods I loved that would be made healthy. I also started to research and see just what is in some of this junk we eat. Wow that will sure cause you to change for sure. The healthier I ate the better I felt and the energy was even better.I also found that the cleaner I ate I even felt better.
I have had many people contact me and ask me how and what I do. I may make a few folks upset here,but I tell you no matter what if you take in more than you burn it has no choice..it will turn to fat.If you eat fast food and box food you will not only gain weight you are not getting good nutrition. Have you ever got bad gas at a pump in your car? How did it run? Well your body is your car for life and what you fuel it with is how good it will run.
I have also had people ask me did I have weight loss surgery? NO I could never see that as the answer. To me it was a fast fix that you still had to cut back and eat small portions. No matter what you have to make change to get change.If you go back to your old habits you will get what you started with. I love the saying" If you want something you never had you have to do something you never did" I have found this so true in my life.
Today I can say I have found "Brenda" again. Each day I have to keep going and know it was worth the "Life style change" to get here.
I know if I can do this anyone can.It is my heart to be there and help others anyway I can. Dig down deep,muster up strength and make that "Life style change" for YOU!

There is hope...

As I sit here today looking over the last few years of my life and wondering where 2015 will take me I realize that all I can do is place each day in Gods hands...I must wake up everyday and pray for his will. Some days I catch myself questioning my purpose and wondering when I will arrive at the dreams I have built in my thoughts. Each day is a new walk that one day will lead us to our destination. We have to wake up and make a choose to move forward...
Today I feel in my heart I need to assure some of you "There is hope" No matter what your struggle is you can overcome!
I know some of you look at me today and see my pictures and  have no clue of my journey. A journey that has not been easy....A journey that sometimes has knocked me down...A journey that some days I had to reach down deep just to get out of bed. It was the journey that made me into the woman I am today.I know I still have much growing to do however today I am so thankful for God and that one day he showed me "There is hope"
As I look back and see the steps I took I know that many days he carried me. Some days were so overwhelming and I lost hope,but I looked to the hills knowing my hope was in God.
My journey isn't just about weight loss it is a journey of losing the man I thought id be married to until death, realizing in a moment others choices can change your life,accidents that put me in a wheel chair,surgery and sickness.All of these things had to be overcome taking small steps.
Make the best of this day that has been given to you...give it your all and most important trust God because in him"There is hope"

                      Psalms 62:5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him

What is CHRISTmas to you?

I have to tell you this has been one of the hardest Christmas I have had in years. I always try to keep it real because life does hurt. I know what Christmas is all about and so thankful for the love of Jesus and my family however pain is real. I know with out the love and peace of Jesus I wouldn't be able to keep going sometimes.
Usually when pain comes this bad I know there is a lesson God is usually showing me. Something he needs to strengthen me in so I can help others.
I have watched many on Facebook,Instragram and out shopping in the past few days. I know that I am not the only one that has pain during this time and many have it way worse.
This evening I took a walk and reflected on somethings and times in my life. I thought about all the things I have seen and endured this Christmas.After getting home I knew I needed to read some scripture which brought me to the writing of this blog.
What is Christmas to you? Do you have traditions,.... maybe one of those that have to have the house decorated just right,One that can't have Christmas without certain foods,one that spends way more than you should then wonders how you will pay for it. I know we all have things about Christmas we have done for years. There is one word in Christmas that matters and that is CHRIST. What did you do for Christ this year? Better than that what do you do for Christ everyday? Just because we celebrate Jesus birthday on a special day doesn't mean we should do good only then.
The scripture I was taken to as I read Mathew 25:31 Some of you may know this as the Parable "The Sheep and Goats" These scriptures talk about when Jesus comes and will separate the people like a Shepard doe his sheep.As I continued to read it talked about the difference in the sheep and goat. That is when the picture was painted before me about what CHRISTmas means.What we should do daily.In these scriptures he clearly shares what we have to be like to be his.I dare say many of us didn't take time to think of others. Many of us past right by people just like this in our rush to get things just perfect for the holidays.Many of us never stopped to think about the pain and suffering the person sitting next to us maybe feeling. My great desire is to be a sheep and take the time to make each day CHRISTmas.
Mathew 25:34-40 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

My Father is a KING...

How many of you out there feel like you are getting the rewards of being a child of a KING? I dare say very few. One reason for this is because we spend more time keeping our eyes on the trouble,the pain that this life causes instead of the promises God has given us.,,,,
This week I have finally grasp a hold of the fact "Im Gods Girl" my daddy loves me and desires the best for me. My daddy is not happy when I hurt and trouble comes my way .If we see in the word(our road map) there are so many promises he has already provided for his children. The problem is US...we either have never learned who we are in Christ are we don't claim it.
As a parent you can make deposits in the bank and set up preparation for your children but unless they know about it they can't cash in on it. They may struggle when the thing they need is setting there waiting for them the whole time. That is just how it is with our Father. All of the things he has already deposited into our bank and prepared for us set and wait on us to cash in on.There maybe many reasons why we haven't done this,but until we do we can't apply this to our life.
I know this because I speak to myself here. Each and every day I have a struggle with this. The hardships and hurts just seem to be accepted. I have walked many days listening and excepting what the world and others say and cause in my life instead of claiming what my Father says.
The past few months and years I have endured some heartache as I am sure we all have. Today I am happy to say in these things I have learned some great lessons and try my best to apply them to my life. This is something I must do each day because the enemy would sure rather me focus on him.He will do anything he can to keep us from realizing who we really are. When you stand in front of the mirror what do you really see? I would just about bet that you see defeat,pain,what you wished you were instead of who you really are.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us that power of life and death are in the tongue...we speak to our life one or the other. Lets just take a minute to see what Im talking about here because this is something we do everyday. How many of us has spoke in a sad and lonely state of mind "No ones cares about me and what im feeling" well that is not true. 1 Peter says"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Psalms tells us "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Do you see where I am going with this? 
How about" Im just not gonna make it this month" Psalms tells us "The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need." Mathew tells us" Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"
Are you catching on yet? I sure hope so because when you look in the mirror of his word and realize who you really are,that your "Father is a King" and has deposited any and everything we need in his bank your life can change!! I for one know I desire to see myself as "Gods Girl" and to know whoever and whatever happens to me they have to answer to my daddy.To know that he loves me and deposited into my account anything I need to live.
Today I ask you..Who is your your Father?

Lets keep it real....

I title this blog "Lets keep it real" comes because that is all I know. Yes keeping it real can be hard and gets me in trouble sometimes however real is better than fake. It is better than pretending.
As I sat here last night with the weather getting cold and the holidays approaching I can't help but have some feeling of sadness. I know I try hard to keep a smile on my face for everyone to see yet I have moments where I have to be real with myself and God. I lie here last night watching Christmas movies,snuggled up in my warm bed and pinning recipes on Pinterest. "OH I love that site" however it causes my heart the hurt sometimes.
If you know me very well you know I love the holidays and decorating. I love cooking and making a home and I love family. The movie I was watching had a young woman that had been dating a man for five years. She yearned so bad to have a life with him however he was to busy and wouldn't commit.I can understand just what she was feeling because it seems this day in time committing and doing what it takes to have love isn't important.She found herself starting to question her own worth. Not because she wasn't an amazing woman,but because the man she desired made her feel that way.Sometimes no matter how hard you work to be perfect for someone else and do your best you still find yourself alone.The amazing thing is she didn't stop being her self. She continued to reach out and share love with others.At a moment she least expected a friend and coworker came into her life. A stranger that she really never paid attention to because she was focused on the life she desired. It was this man that seen her heart and the beauty of who she was.When she finally let go of what she held onto her life changed.
After the movie was over and it was time to go to sleep "with my fur babies" I started to think. I thought of how I didn't really have my desire to decorate this year. I thought of all the sweet couples and families strolling together. I thought of the couples shopping and sharing dinners with one another on a cold night with a fire flickering in the back ground."Yes I'm a romantic..what can I say" And then I thought about myself. Another holiday alone and how much I miss having someone to share my love with.
As I lay in bed ready to pray I start my prayer. The prayer of thanks and praying for others. It was at that moment a thought comes to me "Keep it real" see so many times we go to God with our regular prayer as if he can't see our heart.We try to hold it all together when he knows our sadness. Sometimes we feel guilty and we stay strong when all alone he sees. It was then that I decided to "Keep it real" with God. I talked to him like a friend. I shared with him my desires,my hurts and how the holidays really make me feel. God doesn't want us to hide from him. He wants to be our best friend and someone we can open up to someone we share our heart with because he already knows it.
So today whatever you are feeling and whatever you are dealing with take it to God.Open up and speak to him as if he is setting right beside you.And most important don't go through the motions "Keep it real"

Making my list and checking it twice...

           Making my list and checking it twice..and it isn't Christmas

If it is your first time to my blog welcome. Let me go back and catch you up and then we will move on. The name "Brenda's Restart" came after I had to pick up the pieces of my life and move on after a 29 year marriage. Yeah it is crazy to restart a life at my age however you have to deal with the hand your dealt and make the best of it. At first I didn't see how that was possible,but with the love of family, friends, and GOD I found the strength to move forward. In the last four and a half years I found who Brenda is. I have reached down deep and searched my soul and heart. I have healed, had my heart broken by many jerks, and got up and healed again. Each time there were lessons to be learned and strength gained.
In the last month I have spent lots of time with God. Oh I never left Him and He never left me,but I did allow somethings to come before Him. Life just can't run right if He isn't in the lead position. No matter how much we give and try to make others happy they must come under God. When we find ourselves making something else priority it becomes an idol. All we can think about is doing whatever it takes to be happy, but in return is God happy? God has a purpose and plan for our lives and for this to ever be in order we must die to self . I don't think this means giving up who we are and the desires of our heart, because as long as those line up with God He is the one that gives us desires.
After my husband left and I was going through the healing process one of the Christian counselors I was seeing gave me some advice. The advice was keeping a journal with my hearts feelings and to date it. From time to time I would go back and look at it and see how far I had come. This takes me to the title of this blog " Making my list and checking it twice" years ago when I was writing in my journal I made of list of things I desired and didn't desire for my life. Oh I know and realize not everything can be perfect and we have to give some, however we must not allow our giving in to change us.
Last week I got to spend some amazing time with God by the beach. It was at this time I was reminded of my list. So with Bible and journal in hand I started to make my list again. To search my heart and find me again. This time with great hope that I go back from time to time and look at it and never let go of the hope and desires I have. I don't mind sharing this list so here we go....

Things I desire.
 1) My deepest desire is for God to be first in my life and serve him in the calling he has for me.
 2) A God led man. One that will be the head and allow God to be his head.
 3) A man that will pray with me,for me and bless me
 4) A man that believes the steps and order of God in a relationship. God,Spouse,Family
 5) I desire a true lives love story. A love so strong that others watch and have a desire for a Godly love that doesn't change with the ups and downs.
 6) I desire a place that I can make a home. ( where ever God desires that to be) A home that when others come in they feel the love and peace.
 7) To share this home with a man that will allow me to be the woman God has called me to be. Someone that can appreciate my love through doing the things I love.
 8) To have and support my partner in his calling.
 9) I would love to travel and makes beautiful memories.
10) I desire someone that will communicate and share like a best friend 9) A fitness partner so we can be healthy and share the second part of our life.
11) A coffee buddy...sweat times snuggling early in the morning together,times by the fire,sitting on the porch and coffee shops.
12) Someone that will except and love my children and grands as I will his.
13) Someone that will not leave me and always desire to do separate things ( If I want to have a life alone id stay single)
14) A love so strong that when the other walks away you feel part of you is missing.
15) Romance, never losing the honeymoon feeling.
16) We can share nice dinners or just enjoy a simple picnic. ( it is all about the time together)
17) Someone that can spend a simple day being cozy, a day of rest watching TV (football =)
18) I desire the love making in my life to be as God ordained, to allow the depth of two becoming one, not just going through the motions.

Things I do not want.
1) Selfish ( all about me and not we)
2) Prideful and arrogant
3) Makes me feel stupid and unimportant
4) Someone that doesn't seek God for direction
5) Lazy couch potato with no desire for life.
6) Someone that puts others before me
7) Someone who confides in other women.
8) Someone who cheats and thinks that porn and looking and desiring other women is normal.
9) Someone who lies and says things they don't mean. (actions speak louder than words)
10) A heavy drinker
11) Someone that allows technology to steal precious family time.
12) Someone that compares me to or expects me to be like an ex or someone they formed an image of.
13) Someone that doesn't care about my feelings and the pain I'm feeling.
14) Someone that doesn't care when I try to express my heart and feelings.
15) Someone that withdraws, sulks, and does not share their feeling and talk things out when something is bothering him. Pushing things down and not talking only makes things worse.

"For I know the plans I have for you, 'Declare The Lord,' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11

Realizing when darkness comes...

Do you remember when we were small children and we would be outside playing so hard....the moment you looked up and said "Oh my it is getting dark" and we take off running for home as fast as we can. It wasn't that you really meant to do anything you just got caught up in the moment.
That is just how life can be. We wonder out in the world running here and there and something happens that causes us to stop,look around and realize it is getting dark. The question now is where do you run? Do we run back home where we know we are safe and loved or do we wonder out further into the darkness? Just like when we were children it sometimes isn't something we mean to do. We get caught up in our fast paced life.Something that looks fun and exciting and we venture out.
We can't do both. When this happens we have a choice and that choice is going back to light,wondering out further or just standing there in the same spot and going no where.
This is just how it works with God. God is the light and he is our safety. He will allow you to go out and play,venture into things however at some point we must stop and look around. Stop and ask ourselves do we desire to run back to him,go further out away from the light or just stand there going no where.

                      1 John 1:5New International Version (NIV)

Light and Darkness, Sin and Forgiveness

5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

Building something that last...

Building something that last takes time and effort. Have you ever been building or putting something together in a hurry only to finish and realize it was shaky and didn't hold up?
This same thing happens in life. I have been listening to some sermons by Kerry Shock that have opened my eyes to a deeper understanding.
After my 29 year marriage then divorce four years ago I felt devastated.I looked back and wondered how can something that made it so long fall apart? It happens the same way that building something on a shaky foundation falls apart. I spent many hours in prayer and tears pouring out my heart with God. As I look back now I see many things that were wrong. First of all it doesn't matter how many beautiful children you have,if you have a mansion to live in or the best job out there if the foundation isn't built strong it will fall apart. The first year after my marriage I started my family and for all the years to come I poured my heart and soul into them .I wanted to be the best mommy and raise healthy and happy children .He was climbing the ladder to success and pouring himself into the job.I was building three strong and beautiful children an he was building a career all while the foundation was crumbling apart.We were going through the days busy and sidetracked on what is most important. What do you really have when all of these things fall apart because you didn't take the time for one another? The time to discuss,share and fix things as they come along. When it all falls apart you have hurt and devastation that then that reaches out to the children an grandchildren.Generations of pain. I know today I still see the pain it has caused to my children. The one thing I worked so hard to build and turned my attention to still have to suffer.
In the past years after divorce I spent much time building me.I read and listen to all that I can on what God desires me to be as a woman.What my roll is on being a strong foundation for the next chapter in my life. It doesn't matter if your mate is strong and has things right and you are weak and crumbling one can not hold up for the other.It takes two strong bricks with the right mortar to start a wall and this must be placed on a strong foundation not built by man.
I never desire to go through or feel the pain of divorce again. I never desire to bring two families together with children that have already been devastated only to hurt them more.My one and only desire is to be happy and have a Godly love built on a strong foundation so I can share that with the world. A world that has lost the art and desire to stand strong. I know the sweet little old couples we see that made it all the years together are not still standing because they gave up. They are still together because each storm that came they fought together and it made them stronger.
My prayer today is that we take back the foundations in our lives and do what it takes to make them strong.That we stop allowing the world to conform us and allow God to build us.That we can build strong people then strong couples so this world can have insight on the way things should be.

Knowing our hearts desire...

Today has been a very different day in my life. I woke up this morning reading so many post about marriage,relationships and divorce. It has really burdened my heart to see how we have lost what and how God designed us. I don't understand if all the failure comes from not putting God first or if we have gotten so numb to the roll we are given.
I am a product of a failed marriage and divorce. That maybe the reason the burden is so strong because I hate to see the enemy win. My divorce as many do came from a spouse that made a choice and I had to deal with it. Marriage takes two strong people working together and having the same desire. After my divorce as God helped me to over come and gain knowledge I realized the desire I had a young girl never changed. Being raised in a home where the love between my parents was so strong I learned what God meant when he gave us a map. The only way a marriage can and will work is if we take that map and follow it. Giving up should not be a choice we take lightly. Maybe because we live in a fast paced life where we want it and get it know people take that to a relationship.
I am so thankful each day for the parents I had and the devotion they had. I watched my mom live on dialysis for ten years. Did my dad ever give up on her when it got rough? No he took a vow and he took care of my mom until she passed away. A perfect picture of what God means when he says becoming one.
I ask God many times after my divorce why? All I ever desired was a beautiful,happy family. God showed me that even though he has designed the marriage union he allows man to make choices. It was also at this moment that I was reminded of what the enemy means for bad God will use to his good. In the four years following my divorce I have learned alot. I know it is Gods will that I use my testimony and knowledge to help others. I in know way consider myself perfect,but I am very willing and I know where my burden is.
Has my desire changed from the young innocent girl in the photo ..not one bit. I still and always will believe in God and his plan for woman and man. I will always strive to be as virtuous as I can be and to do my part.
I believe if we search out what God tells us is our role and give it our best marriage and relations can only grow.I am including a few scriptures and words that I think I need to share. I would also recommend if you your marriage is going through difficult times books by Stormy Omartian "Power of a praying wife and Power of a praying husband.
Women...Be a helper to your husband.  While all of us are called to be helpers to others, the Bible places a special emphasis on this responsibility for wives. Genesis tells us that God realized it wasn't good for man to be alone, and that He decided to make a "helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18). It is interesting to note that the Hebrew meaning of the word helper in this passage is found hereafter in the Bible to refer only to God as He helps us. The fact that this same word is applied to a wife signifies that we women have been given tremendous power for good in our husbands' lives. God has designed wives to help their husbands become all that God intends for them to be.
 Respect your husband. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul says, " … the wife must respect her husband." When you respect your husband you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, and esteem him. It means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you, and considering his needs and values.
Men.... Be a leader. The Scriptures provide a clear organizational structure for a marriage. Following are a couple of typical Scriptures:

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ

(1 Corinthians 11:3). Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body

 Love your wife unconditionally. Ephesians 5:25 reads, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Your unconditional acceptance of your wife is not based upon her performance, but on her worth as God's gift to you. If you want to love your wife unconditionally, always be sure her emotional tank is full. One of the best ways to do that is to affirm her constantly. Let her know verbally that you value her, respect her, and love her. I have discovered that I simply cannot do that enough.There is no question that words communicate love, but so do actions. You need to do both. As the Apostle John wrote in one of his letters: "let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18). One of the missing ingredients in male leadership in homes is sacrificial action. When was the last time you gave up something for your wife—something you genuinely valued, like your golf game, a fishing trip, or your hobby? Sometimes you need to give up something you enjoy so your wife can have a break and see your love for her.

Serve your wife. According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7).

One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them. Do you know what your wife's top three needs are right now? If she is a young mother, she has a certain set of basic needs. If your children are grown and gone and you are in the empty nest, your wife has a different set of needs that you should try to meet. What is she worried about? What troubles her? What type of pressure does she feel? Learn the answers to questions like that, and then do what you can to reduce her worries, her troubles, her pressures.

Life is like a garden....

    First off let me apologize to my readers for taking off so long. I took a much needed break and vacation.

Life is like a garden....

I was sitting here this morning having my coffee and I started to think about this. I say think about it,but that is one way God shares with me. During the day I couldn't get it off my mind and that usually means it is time to write.

What are some very important things about a garden? A few that come to my mind are the soil, the water, what type seeds we plant, fertilizer, grass, sunlight,pest. 

You can take two exact plots of soil close together and have two different people plant the same exact seed and the garden will not be the same.

Think about your life for a minute. What type soil are you planting in? Is it rich, does it have the nutrients it needs, do you cultivate it like you should? Or is it dry, hard and lacking any nutrients to help it grow? It all comes down to this if we are not sewing in rich soil you can take the most expensive seeds and they will end up doing nothing.

Now consider the water for a moment...what if we have beautiful rows of soil and the garden has started to produce and is doing great,but we get no rain. What starts to happen? What was once beautiful and producing dries up.  We get a water hose,but it will only reach a few rows of the garden...now what? The rows that are receiving water will be pretty while the others wither and die.

What about the seeds...If you have had the same old seeds in a bag for years and then you had the same seed that you just ran down to the store and bought fresh. Which seed do you think will produce the best product? I would say the new fresh seed the one that new.

What about fertilizer? Anyone that has ever had a garden or planted flowers understands how important it is to have good fertilizer. Each plant needs to be fed. Consider the idea of two rows of corn. One you decide to add fertilizer and the other you don't. The one that has been fed will grow faster,prettier and produce much better than the one that is lacking.

Sunlight...this is a very important part of how a garden will grow. There are some plants that grow better when they get lots of heat and sunlight. It reminds me of the peas we have planted. They love the hot sunlight. I went out in the garden the other morning and our peas where starting to get tiny pods. I missed going for a few days due to the hot, humid days and the next time I looked we had peas.

The last thing I think about is the pest. There is nothing that upsets me more than to have a beautiful green plant and find the bugs have eaten it up or to open a ear of corn and find a nasty worm inside living off my corn.

Each one of us when we are born are like a beautiful garden. We are made and designed with much work and a plan to produce wonderful things.

As we start to mature in life there are many things that come to destroy us.

Somethings that happen in our life we can not change,but many we can. No matter the hurt,pain and storms that come our way we must decide to thrive.

Just like the garden we have to be sure our soil is rich and full of life. Add the fertilizer so we can grow to become what we have been called to become. Make sure the seeds we plant into our life are fresh. Make sure that if we desire something we plant the right seed to produce that. You can't plant a corn seed if you desire to grow a melon.In life if we plant bad seed we will get bad fruit.

We must be very careful that the things in life that come to over take and choke back the life are plucked out. It only takes a moment to be thriving when something can come into your life . It can grow up around you so fast that you can't see it is choking the life from you until it is to late. Pluck out the things that steal your life.

Then we must be sure the to add light. There is no life in darkness. There is so much darkness in the world around us.We have to decide what and who we allow in our life. Do they or the things we partake in bring light?

And last but sure not least are the pest. We have an enemy he he desire nothing more than to destroy us. To eat us alive leaving holes in our life that cause us to wither and die.

How is your garden growing? Is it hard,dry and empty or lush,green and thriving? Is it producing what you desire or is it on the verge of death?

Today you can decide and change somethings in this garden we call life.

God goes hiking...

                                                           God Goes Hiking

                                                          1 Corinthians 12:4-

4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines......

. A few weeks back I  Googled some local trails. I found a 7.6 mile hike over on Caney Lake in Minden. I contacted my sister and she was game so we started to plan. I Love the way my sister always backs me and believes in me.Having someone like this in my life just makes it more exciting and makes me more determined.
Saturday morning arrived and I was so ready to get on this hike. When Debi dropped me off at the start of the trail all I was thinking about is staying safe from snakes. I had heard nothing,but horror stories since I got to camp. I wasn't thinking all spiritual,but had prayed for safety.Little did I know God had set this hike up and it wasn't just for me.
The first few miles of the hike I was finding my pace and freaking every time the weeds rustled. I had been on the trail maybe four miles when I heard voices ahead. As I approached the bridge and stream I realized my company was two ladies allowing their beautiful Lab to play in the stream. It was about time for a rest and I never meet a stranger so we started to talk. The conversation was mainly about hiking and where we lived.
After about thirty minutes the youngest lady recommended we hang together. I thought that would be a great idea and I had some new friends that hiked. We had only hiked a few minutes when the Lord started to show me things about their lives."I am one that tries very hard to obey him when I get a word" It is at this time I turned to the older lady and said  "So you work in the medical field?" They younger lady that I had found to be her daughter stopped in her tracks and ask "What how did you know that"Not really knowing why God had showed me this all I knew was to say I just did. She kept saying that's crazy. and I can't see how you knew this. A few minutes went by and she said "so what do I do"? The Lord was showing me a Airplane so I said ..do you work in travel? She was so happy to turn around and say NOPE im a receptionist. It was at that moment I knew why I was seeing the plane and I replied ,but you always wanted to be a Stewardess.( I love when God shows up and does his work) The young girl turns and stops and says wait I don't understand how you do this. I just applied for an American Airline job two days ago.
As the Lord started to show me why I had met them and what he wanted me to share I started to explain to them. First I said let me assure you I am not in anyway a phychic.I am a Christian and God gives his children gifts. These gifts are to be used for his purpose.He would send a complete stranger and setup an appointment to show you both that he knows you,he knows where you work,he knows your dreams and desires. The Lord had also showed me that this young lady had always put her dreams on hold for everyone else and put herself last. I shared more with them as we hiked down the trail.
As we were getting closer to the end of the trail her mom was very hot and getting weak. I had called ahead to have Debi ready to pick us up. By the time we got to the end of the hike I had met new friends and God had showed up to do his work.We shared some water and a ride to their car and said our goodbyes.
I am very thankful for a safe hike and that God loves me and trust me enough to do his work.