If it is your first time to my blog welcome. Let me go back and catch you up and then we will move on. The name "Brenda's Restart" came after I had to pick up the pieces of my life and move on after a 29 year marriage. Yeah it is crazy to restart a life at my age however you have to deal with the hand your dealt and make the best of it. At first I didn't see how that was possible,but with the love of family, friends, and GOD I found the strength to move forward. In the last four and a half years I found who Brenda is. I have reached down deep and searched my soul and heart. I have healed, had my heart broken by many jerks, and got up and healed again. Each time there were lessons to be learned and strength gained.
In the last month I have spent lots of time with God. Oh I never left Him and He never left me,but I did allow somethings to come before Him. Life just can't run right if He isn't in the lead position. No matter how much we give and try to make others happy they must come under God. When we find ourselves making something else priority it becomes an idol. All we can think about is doing whatever it takes to be happy, but in return is God happy? God has a purpose and plan for our lives and for this to ever be in order we must die to self . I don't think this means giving up who we are and the desires of our heart, because as long as those line up with God He is the one that gives us desires.
After my husband left and I was going through the healing process one of the Christian counselors I was seeing gave me some advice. The advice was keeping a journal with my hearts feelings and to date it. From time to time I would go back and look at it and see how far I had come. This takes me to the title of this blog " Making my list and checking it twice" years ago when I was writing in my journal I made of list of things I desired and didn't desire for my life. Oh I know and realize not everything can be perfect and we have to give some, however we must not allow our giving in to change us.
Last week I got to spend some amazing time with God by the beach. It was at this time I was reminded of my list. So with Bible and journal in hand I started to make my list again. To search my heart and find me again. This time with great hope that I go back from time to time and look at it and never let go of the hope and desires I have. I don't mind sharing this list so here we go....
Things I desire.
1) My deepest desire is for God to be first in my life and serve him in the calling he has for me.
2) A God led man. One that will be the head and allow God to be his head.
3) A man that will pray with me,for me and bless me
4) A man that believes the steps and order of God in a relationship. God,Spouse,Family
5) I desire a true lives love story. A love so strong that others watch and have a desire for a Godly love that doesn't change with the ups and downs.
6) I desire a place that I can make a home. ( where ever God desires that to be) A home that when others come in they feel the love and peace.
7) To share this home with a man that will allow me to be the woman God has called me to be. Someone that can appreciate my love through doing the things I love.
8) To have and support my partner in his calling.
9) I would love to travel and makes beautiful memories.
10) I desire someone that will communicate and share like a best friend 9) A fitness partner so we can be healthy and share the second part of our life.
11) A coffee buddy...sweat times snuggling early in the morning together,times by the fire,sitting on the porch and coffee shops.
12) Someone that will except and love my children and grands as I will his.
13) Someone that will not leave me and always desire to do separate things ( If I want to have a life alone id stay single)
14) A love so strong that when the other walks away you feel part of you is missing.
15) Romance, never losing the honeymoon feeling.
16) We can share nice dinners or just enjoy a simple picnic. ( it is all about the time together)
17) Someone that can spend a simple day being cozy, a day of rest watching TV (football =)
18) I desire the love making in my life to be as God ordained, to allow the depth of two becoming one, not just going through the motions.
Things I do not want.
1) Selfish ( all about me and not we)
2) Prideful and arrogant
3) Makes me feel stupid and unimportant
4) Someone that doesn't seek God for direction
5) Lazy couch potato with no desire for life.
6) Someone that puts others before me
7) Someone who confides in other women.
8) Someone who cheats and thinks that porn and looking and desiring other women is normal.
9) Someone who lies and says things they don't mean. (actions speak louder than words)
10) A heavy drinker
11) Someone that allows technology to steal precious family time.
12) Someone that compares me to or expects me to be like an ex or someone they formed an image of.
13) Someone that doesn't care about my feelings and the pain I'm feeling.
14) Someone that doesn't care when I try to express my heart and feelings.
15) Someone that withdraws, sulks, and does not share their feeling and talk things out when something is bothering him. Pushing things down and not talking only makes things worse.
"For I know the plans I have for you, 'Declare The Lord,' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11
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